change~it'll come sooner or later

just read something sad off someone's blog..makes my problems feel like they are nothing worth mentioning at all...guess i should be grateful huh?

it took me one and a half year to build up (and destroy) all these relationships...and now im kinda scared that all these will change in a short span of 3months...
there's a fear that i might come back and be in a totally awkward situation, not knowing the people and stuff...would we still be like now?..guess not..
i've never really feared change, guess its cuz i've never been this comfortable with my environment..6 years, 4 years...and still not comfortable...
but this time...all it took was only one and a half years...
did i 'let my guard down'?
these days, i feel as though i've lost control over myself..i've been talking, even before i think through what i want to say...

i've been in this kinda situations before, but that was a long time ago...

and then there's a fear that i might forget how to play soccer...

and above all...

i hate dislike attention seekers...but recently..i feel more and more like one...DAMN