说好的幸福呢？

i miss roll call, i miss drill, i miss worship, i miss recreation...
i miss going for GB after school...i miss having us all rushing to the toilet, rushing to put on our uniform, i miss all the fun and laughter that we had together:(

i think the greatest regret i have now is not going back to serve at fairifield...i've been giving excuses, saying my timetable clashes and stuff...i've been stupid...

i thought i had everything under control...i thought it doesnt matter...by when the bus passed by the school today and i saw girls doing drill...i felt..sad...i felt...like everything happened so long ago...like my past is just a movie..like i've never actually been there...i felt so disconnected..so lost..
now i know what it feels like...to feel 'pain' in your heart...to have tears swelling up...

...

im pissed with myself...pissed that i cant do anything...cant control anything...cant voice out how i feel...cant communicate properly....cant...cant...cant...

damn

oh..why cant time pass quickly?...cat wait for feb..and mar...

resigned to fate...